I wasn't born this way; I made myself.
I heard that Lady Gaga song on the radio the other day, you know the one that sounds like the Madonna song, and it got me thinking. On the surface it seems to contain a very positive message about accepting yourself because you were "Born This Way." You were born like this, you were made this way, there's nothing you can do about it so be happy with it.

I disagree. Sure, when we're born we're stuck with the genetic material passed on to us by our lineage. But we're more than that, what we are, what we become, is so much more than how we were born. And this made me think about the Incubus song, "Make Yourself." I find the message of that song to be much more positive. While the song has an overt "them vs. you" context, the general theme is one of taking responsibility for yourself and what you become.

Was I born the way I am today? Judging from the direction my life took in the first twenty-six years, and comparing it to the last three years, the answer is no. I was born heavy, weighing in over nine pounds. I grew into a heavy kid. I was always sad and lonely as a kid. I had few friends. I rarely went outside. I never played sports. I watched a lot of TV. I ate a lot. I got heavier. I got sadder. I got lonelier. But I was born this way, right? I should have just accepted it, right?

While I was born heavy, I didn't have to stay that way. It was my own choices that made me into the depressed, obese misanthrope I was. Despite my claims that I was born that way, genetically predisposed to those conditions, I really made myself that way.

And then I decided to change that. I took responsibility for my life. I started exercising. I ran. I ate healthier. I lost weight. I had better relationships with my friends. I started making new friends. I became happier.

Just as I had made myself into what I was, I made myself into what I am today. The key to this change was taking personal responsibility for myself. No longer did I use the excuse of being born that way. I knew I was like that because of my decisions and my actions. I knew through my decisions and my actions I could change. And I did. I made myself.

"If you really want to live, why not try and make yourself?"

[/musings/self] [permanent link]

1449069975
https://www.instagram.com/p/-ywsdLrXFZ/

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[/mobile] [permanent link]

1420590331
Castle of Dr. Brain : Sierra On-Line, Inc. : Free Streaming : Internet Archive https://archive.org/details/msdos_Castle_of_Dr._Brain_1991

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[/mobile] [permanent link]

Fifth Avenue Mile
The results are in. I did the mile in 5:34, three seconds faster than I had ever done in training. One mile down, 18 more to go tomorrow morning.

[/running] [permanent link]

A Weekend at the Races
Tomorrow is the Fifth Avenue Mile and Sunday is the Marathon Tune-Up. I'm looking forward to both. If all goes well, I should be done with tomorrow's race in under six minutes. Sunday's race I'm aiming for a time between 135 and 140 minutes. We'll see what happens...

[/running] [permanent link]

Hope Chest
A conversation I had while helping some friends move:

me: So what do they keep in this hope chest?
Jaxon: Hope.
me: So that's why it's so light.

[/musings] [permanent link]

Product Review: ASICS Cumulus-10
This is the second installment of my running product reviews. Last time I said I'd discuss my "current running shoe" but my training has turned me into a liar. I'm still going to discuss the ASICS Cumulus-10, but it is no longer my current running shoe.

At this point, the Cumulus-10 can still be found, although supplies are limited. I recently tried to purchase a second pair of these and was unable to find them in my size. I could have had a 9.5 or a 12, but not the 10.5 I needed.

When the Nike Tailwinds no longer provided adequate cushioning, I had to find a new shoe, one that would work for a lighter runner. After reading reviews online and in magazines, particularly Runner's World, I went over to Fleet Feet in Montclair and talked to the sales staff there.

After trying on a few pairs, I decided on the Cumulus-10 but wanted to wait until after the Brooklyn Half Marathon, a week away, before breaking in new shoes. This is not what happened. Because of the lack of cushioning in the Tailwinds, I ended up with horrible shin splints during my lunch time run the day before Brooklyn. I called up fleet feet, asked them to hold a pair of the Cumulus-10s for me and I picked them up that evening. I ran in them for the first time the next morning in the Brooklyn Half.

Those shoes were amazing. They were soft enough to provide the compression needed for good cushioning at my weight. And while they were soft, they weren't mushy either. The ASICS GEL cushioning system is in place in both the heel and the forefoot, providing ample shock absorption for heel strikes and mid- to fore-foot strikes.

The toe box was slightly narrow, but starting the laces one hole up from the bottom provided enough extra space while keeping my foot firmly in place.

The sole in the forefoot is wide; wider than the sole in the Tailwinds. This provides support for the foot during the toe-off portion of the stride.

The Cumulus-10 served me well until I had put just under 600 miles on them. At that point the cushioning was worn down and not as effective as it once was. I retired them about a week after the NYC Half Marathon in August giving me about 12 weeks worth of running. In actuality, I should have retired them after about 10 weeks.

I recommend the ASICS Cumulus-10 for lighter runners with normal to low arches. Left over stock of the Cumulus-10 can be found at EastBay's website for $69.99 (both men's and women's), although many sizes are unavailable at this time.

Next time, we'll discuss my current running shoe, the ASICS Cumulus-11. I've been slacking a bit so I only have about 250 miles on this pair so far. Hopefully I'll post the review before I hit 500 miles and retire these.

[/running/reviews] [permanent link]

It's about time...
It's about time some one took down Ravache.

[/musings] [permanent link]

Can't Argue with That...
Well, I have to admit it; there's one issue I agree with Obama on: Kayne West is a jackass.

[/politics] [permanent link]

On a lighter note...
Scribblenauts is surprisingly awesome.

[/musings] [permanent link]

The Biggest Loser
Last night was supposed to be my night off. My IT-band and my hamstring in my left leg have been tight the last few days so I spent some time stretching, but that was to be the extent of my workout.

I started watching the season premier of The Biggest Loser. After about a half hour of that, I felt "motivated" and I spent an hour core training. Watching those contestants at such an early stage of the game made me remember what I have accomplished, how hard I worked for it, and that it will be a never ending battle.

Sure I'm running 50 to 60 miles a week now. Sure I'm spending hours weight lifting and core training every week. I've taken my BMI from 36.5 to 20.0, and now begins the next phase, keeping the weight off. I can't become complacent. If I do, I will have lost.

[/musings] [permanent link]

TBMChicago
TBMChicago has some live footage of The Birthday Massacre as well as galleries of photographs taken during performances and after shows hanging out with fans.

I'm a little shocked that it's taken me this long to find this site. But then again, I'm usually out of the loop on things so maybe it shouldn't be too surprising.

I'm waiting for the DVD release of Show and Tell. I haven't found a release date yet, but I could just be out of the loop yet again.

[/musings] [permanent link]

Happy Birthday

Last night, as an end to my 30th birthday weekend, I went to see The Birthday Massacre in Teaneck. The show was at the Mexicali Live which is a rather small, intimate venue with full table service for dining, and a bar with some really good microbrews on tap.

The first act was A Verbal Equinox. I thought they were pretty good, especially considering they all seemed to be still in high school. Their set was pretty tight, with mostly original songs and a My Chemical Romance cover. Frankly, I think they did the MCR song just as well, if not better, than MCR. They definitely had a good rhythm section.

The next band, who shall remain nameless, was described by some as "Armenian Industrial." I thought the music was good, but I wished the singer would just shut up. No singing, no talking to the crowd. Just. Shut. Up. Their set would have been awesome as an instrumental.

During their set they had two "gothy cheerleaders" on stage. It turned out that one of them was my friend's niece. Kinda random.

After their set, I ran into a couple of the kids from the first band and talked to them a bit. I told them I liked what I heard and they thanked me and gave me a CD-R labeled with sharpie containing their first recorded single. Something about that is just awesome.

The Birthday Massacre was great. They played a good mix including songs from every album.

If you care (or even if you don't), their set list follows:

• Pins and Needles
• Control
• Happy Birthday
• Forever
• Burn Away
• Shallow Grave
• Always
• Weekend
• Video kid
• Blue
• Looking Glass
• Lover's End
• In the Dark
• Horror Show
• Red Stars
-- Encore --
• Sleep Walking
• Midnight

They didn't play my favorite song, "Broken," but I was not disappointed in the set at all. After they finished, Rainbow was on stage for a bit talking with people from the crowd. I told him it was a great show and asked if they'd be playing "Broken" at tonight's show with Dir En Grey. He said it wouldn't be in the set, but he loves that song and they'd rehearse it for their next tour.

A rather blurry picture of The Birthday Massacre from the show.

[/tbm] [permanent link]

Happy Birthday

Last night, as an end to my 30th birthday weekend, I went to see The Birthday Massacre in Teaneck. The show was at the Mexicali Live which is a rather small, intimate venue with full table service for dining, and a bar with some really good microbrews on tap.

The first act was A Verbal Equinox. I thought they were pretty good, especially considering they all seemed to be still in high school. Their set was pretty tight, with mostly original songs and a My Chemical Romance cover. Frankly, I think they did the MCR song just as well, if not better, than MCR. They definitely had a good rhythm section.

The next band, who shall remain nameless, was described by some as "Armenian Industrial." I thought the music was good, but I wished the singer would just shut up. No singing, no talking to the crowd. Just. Shut. Up. Their set would have been awesome as an instrumental.

During their set they had two "gothy cheerleaders" on stage. It turned out that one of them was my friend's niece. Kinda random.

After their set, I ran into a couple of the kids from the first band and talked to them a bit. I told them I liked what I heard and they thanked me and gave me a CD-R labeled with sharpie containing their first recorded single. Something about that is just awesome.

The Birthday Massacre was great. They played a good mix including songs from every album.

If you care (or even if you don't), their set list follows:

• Pins and Needles
• Control
• Happy Birthday
• Forever
• Burn Away
• Shallow Grave
• Always
• Weekend
• Video kid
• Blue
• Looking Glass
• Lover's End
• In the Dark
• Horror Show
• Red Stars
-- Encore --
• Sleep Walking
• Midnight

They didn't play my favorite song, "Broken," but I was not disappointed in the set at all. After they finished, Rainbow was on stage for a bit talking with people from the crowd. I told him it was a great show and asked if they'd be playing "Broken" at tonight's show with Dir En Grey. He said it wouldn't be in the set, but he loves that song and they'd rehearse it for their next tour.

A rather blurry picture of The Birthday Massacre from the show.

[/musings] [permanent link]

When will I realize...
I've been running for 3 years 6 months and 9 days. I've been 100 pounds lighter* for 2 years 9 months and 3 days. And I still don't feel like this is my body.

[/musings/self] [permanent link]

Updates!
I realized I haven't updated this section of my blog (that no one reads anyway) in over a year. A lot has happened since then.

I sent my DeLorean (#6291) to DMC Houston to have the frame replaced. (A quick note to anyone buying a DeLorean from a private owner: Have a mechanic you trust get the car on a lift before you buy it). The guys at DMC found a lot more wrong with the car that had been covered up. After many conversations with Steve Wynne about the car, I decided to cut my losses and sell it for parts. I tried to live the dream, and it turned into a small nightmare.

It was then that Steve told me about a DeLorean they had just taken in from an owner in Indiana. This DeLorean was a month older than mine (built in October of 81) and had the grey interior and 5-speed manual transmission just like mine. Everything was in great condition and it only had about 9,900 miles on it. He offered me a trade-in value for my car, far more than I thought it would be given its condition.

After some deliberation I decided if I didn't take it, I'd never have the car and my childhood dream would be dead. I agreed to the trade-in and then I began working with James Espy about all of the details of the purchase. I continued working with Steve in regard to the work being done on the car.

They replaced the leather on the seats. While the original leather was not cracked, it was almost 30 years old and a bit dry. They replaced the headliners and the radio, and performed a full maintenance on it. They even took it to some local car shows.

When I took delivery of the car in early September, it had just over 10,000 miles on it.

After a year of owning the vehicle, I've put about 1000 miles on it. And I've enjoyed every one of them.

[/dmc] [permanent link]

The Big 4: Metallica Setlist

• Creeping Death
• For Whom the Bell Tolls
• Fuel
• Ride the Lightning
• Fade to Black
• Cyanide
• All Nightmare Long
• Sad But True
• Welcome Home (Sanitarium)
• Orion
• One
• Master of Puppets
• Blackened
• Nothing Else Matters
• Enter Sandman
---
• Overkill (with Megadeth, Anthrax, and Slayer)
• Battery
• Seek and Destroy

[/musings] [permanent link]

The Big 4: Megadeth Setlist

• Trust
• Hangar 18
• She-Wolf
• Public Enemy #1
• Head Crusher
• A Tout Le Monde
• Sweating Bullets
• Symphony of Destruction
• Peace Sells
• Holy Wars... The Punishment Due

[/musings] [permanent link]

This makes me sick...
This is why I was fat. I can't believe I used to eat this way... Although the Guinness Chocolate Pudding does sound good.

[/musings/self] [permanent link]

It's not magic, it's C.
I love reading comments like

/* These defined magically in the linker script. */

I found that in the GNU Standard C Library implementation when GCC told me the the variables to which the comment referred were undefined. I guess that linker script isn't magic after all...

[/code] [permanent link]

25th Anniversary Lincoln Tunnel Challenge 5K
Yesterday the Giraffes ran the Lincoln Tunnel Challenge to benefit Special Olympics New Jersey. It was the events 25th anniversary and the Giraffes' third anniversary.

The weather was much nicer than the previous two years with far less rain than last year and a much milder temperature than the 90+ degrees of two years ago. In fact, the weather outside was ideal for running. The weather inside the tunnel was a few degrees warmer, but still in that ideal range.

Before the race, I met up with my friend Bobby. He's an athlete who competes in the Special Olympics. We went to school together and were on the Cross Country and Track & Field teams in high school. Back then, he and I were almost always the last two runners to finish at the Cross Country meets. The difference between us was that I was a quitter and he never gave up.

That first time I ran this race in 2008, I failed to meet my goal 31:26. When I saw Bobby after that race, it made me think back to Cross Country. His determination to never quit was one of the influences that kept me running after that day.

Back to this year's race...
After talking to Bobby, I met some other friends from my town who were running (but decided not to register as Giraffes... grrr...). They, as well as the other Giraffes, were running in the second wave at 8:45. It was getting close to the start of the 8:00AM wave, so I parted ways with them and took my place in the starting area. After the standard pre-race speeches, including the announcement that this year's race raised almost $180,000 for SONJ, the gun went off and the race began.

After a few seconds in the tunnel, my watch lost satellite reception and continued using the footpod while searching for satellites. Because it went back into the open sky search mode, I couldn't see any sort of timing or pacing information on the display. I was running blind, so to speak. Having set a PR of 19:08 in the 5K last month and a previous best of 20:16 for this course, I was hoping to just break 20 minutes. The Lincoln Tunnel is essentially a "V" shape with the second and fourth quarters of the race being uphill.

During the second half I caught up to another runner I had seen in Weehawken prior to the start of the race. As I approached, he sped up. I said to him, "You're going to make me work for this, aren't you?"

He replied, "I don't like people passing me. And I'm trying to catch that guy," gesturing to another runner about 50 feet ahead of us.

I said, "Okay" and started picking up the pace a bit, overtaking the runner who had been in front of us. And I kept going. I started to feel the lactic acid in my left calf. I decided to ignore it. The feeling subsided. As I neared the end of the tunnel, I could hear the announcer calling out the finishing times. I gave it everything I had left, and cross the finish line.

I stopped my watch and saw my time at 18:57. I knew then there was the possibility I had broken 19 minutes, but it would be close. I'd have to wait for official results. But I was too excited, I had tell someone, so I text'ed a few friends.

I reconnected with my friends from town and the other giraffes, and told them all to kick ass and chew bubblegum. I watched as their heat started and they all entered the tunnel. I went and picked up my blanket from the registration table and tried to keep warm while I waited and watched my friends finish. It brought a huge smile to my face to see each of them, and especially Bobby, cross the line.

The Giraffes celebrated another race and another year with our traditional post-race brunch. And the waiting continued...

The official results were posted late in the afternoon, while I was helping a friend prepare for the flooding we're experiencing for the second time in two months. A friend text'ed just before 5:00PM with

18.55
congrats

It was two seconds faster than I thought. It was 13 seconds faster than my previous PR set only last month. I finally broke 19 minutes, and I did it on the same course on which I ran my first race three years ago. I took 16:56 off my time in those three years. I finished 9th in my age group and 33rd overall, and for the seventh time in nine races this year, I set a new PR.

Damn, it feels good.

[/running] [permanent link]

Acceptance, or lack thereof...
A few days ago I picked up some dumbbells that had been left out, they were 40lbs each and I lifted them with one hand each. Three years ago the most I could lift, with both arms combined and "lifting with the legs," was 43lbs (the weight of my computer).

Last month, I ran a 5K in 19:08. Yesterday during a speed workout I ran my two fastest 100m ever, 17.9 seconds and 17.87 seconds. Today I ran a 10K at a 6:24 pace, finishing in under 40 minutes. I've set a new PR in every distance I've raced this year except the half marathon, and that race I set a new record for myself on that particular course.

I've put lost 126 pounds of fat and gained 36 pounds of bone and muscle. My body keeps getting stronger and faster.

And I still can't accept my body for what it is....

[/musings/self] [permanent link]

Scotland 10K 2011
This morning I ran the NYRR Scotland 10K for the third year in a row. The first time it was cold and raining, and I had food poisoning from eating at the Macaroni Grill the night before. (The Giraffes had a team dinner the night before and 40% of us got sick.) I ran that race at a slower pace than the 15K race a few weeks prior.

Last year, the morning of the race was unseasonably hot and I was dealing with an ITBS flare-up. I ran that one almost as slowly as the previous year.

All of the other 10K's I've run were always sub-par compared to my 5K and 15K times. I had never felt like I had a good 10K race. I always felt like I let myself down; like I should be doing better.

Until today...

Today's Scotland 10K was the first time I had a good run at this distance. When I set out this morning, my goal was a 6:56 pace, one second per mile better than my PR. Central Park was a bit chilly at about 52 degrees with an overcast sky.

My team made our plans for meeting afterward and we took our places in the corrals. The gun went off and I started running. As soon as I crossed the starting line I decided I wanted to see how fast I could do this, how fast I could run a 10K. I wanted to see if I could break 40.

So I ran fast and hard, watching my pace a little too closely at times. After the first mile I was warm and debating whether or not to take off the arm warmers. I decided to wait until later in the race, as one side of the park is usually warmer than the other. At about 2.5 miles I had a weird cramping feeling in the ball of my right foot, but within a few hundred meters the high kicked in and the pain went away. At the halfway point I knew I'd be close to a 40 minute finish if I kept up the pace.

I kept up the pace until the last mile, then I sped up. I was close to the goal. I was going to make it or die trying. Well, probably not die. More likely vomit or pull a muscle or re-injure the IT-band. But not one of those problems happened. What did happen was I crossed the finish line less than 40 minutes from the time I crossed the starting line.

For the first time, I had felt good during and after a 10K. I ran the race I wanted and the race I needed. I accomplished what I set out to do and it felt awesome.

The official results posted a few hours later put me at 39:46, a 6:24/mile pace. This is a faster pace than my current 5 mile and 4 mile PRs. I ran at a 67.5% AG performance rating and finished 318 of 8491.

I'm pretty pleased with myself...

[/running] [permanent link]

1302293987
Why do I run?

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[/mobile] [permanent link]

Lincoln Park Triathlon
This Summer Lincoln Park will hold its first triathlon. More information can be found at www.lincolnparktriathlon.com.

If you're not quite interested in racing it, we're looking for volunteers to help out that day.

[/running] [permanent link]

WPLJ's NYC Half Marathon Themed Phone Scam
Yesterday Scott and Todd aired a phone scam related to the NYC Half Marathon. It's available here for now if you haven't heard it.

I was a little disappointed in the way the guy from the running store responded. He struck me as the kind of guy that looks down on the back-of-the-pack plodders. They're out there doing their best just like the elites and everyone in between; they deserve respect too.

Other than that, it was a rather funny phone scam; one of the best I've heard in a while.

[/running] [permanent link]

I wasn't born this way; I made myself.
I heard that Lady Gaga song on the radio the other day, you know the one that sounds like the Madonna song, and it got me thinking. On the surface it seems to contain a very positive message about accepting yourself because you were "Born This Way." You were born like this, you were made this way, there's nothing you can do about it so be happy with it.

I disagree. Sure, when we're born we're stuck with the genetic material passed on to us by our lineage. But we're more than that, what we are, what we become, is so much more than how we were born. And this made me think about the Incubus song, "Make Yourself." I find the message of that song to be much more positive. While the song has an overt "them vs. you" context, the general theme is one of taking responsibility for yourself and what you become.

Was I born the way I am today? Judging from the direction my life took in the first twenty-six years, and comparing it to the last three years, the answer is no. I was born heavy, weighing in over nine pounds. I grew into a heavy kid. I was always sad and lonely as a kid. I had few friends. I rarely went outside. I never played sports. I watched a lot of TV. I ate a lot. I got heavier. I got sadder. I got lonelier. But I was born this way, right? I should have just accepted it, right?

While I was born heavy, I didn't have to stay that way. It was my own choices that made me into the depressed, obese misanthrope I was. Despite my claims that I was born that way, genetically predisposed to those conditions, I really made myself that way.

And then I decided to change that. I took responsibility for my life. I started exercising. I ran. I ate healthier. I lost weight. I had better relationships with my friends. I started making new friends. I became happier.

Just as I had made myself into what I was, I made myself into what I am today. The key to this change was taking personal responsibility for myself. No longer did I use the excuse of being born that way. I knew I was like that because of my decisions and my actions. I knew through my decisions and my actions I could change. And I did. I made myself.

"If you really want to live, why not try and make yourself?"

[/musings/self] [permanent link]

Why does tomorrow have to be Monday?
Today I decided to be awesome. My friends decided to be awesome too. It was awesome.

We packed up and drove down to Westfield and ran the CJRRC Hangover 5K. It was supposed to be held January 1, but was rescheduled multiple times due to the weather.

I ran a PR today finishing in 19:22. I was 4th in my age group and 15th over all.

My friends ran the race too, all except one who has a broken toe. Everyone was happy with their time and met their goals for the day, ranging from sub-25 to "eh, taking it easy, seeing how it goes..."

After the race we went cycling. This was my first bike ride outside. I've been working with an indoor trainer for the last few weeks and this was the first time I had been on a bicycle, outside, actually moving, in about 16 or 17 years. My friends have been cycling longer and more recently than I have, so today's 17 mile ride was rather easy for them.

I was freaking out quite a bit, but they calmed me down, gave me pointers, and just helped me out in general.

As we rode, I got more comfortable with the bike and I realized comparing this bicycle to my last bicycle is like comparing my DeLorean to my old Mercury Sable. It takes a while to get used to the differences, but once you do it handles far better and offers more control.

[/running] [permanent link]

Look How Far We've Come
Just under 3 years ago, I started training. That first 5K took about 53 minutes and change. My first race was the 2008 Lincoln Tunnel Challenge, about 6 weeks after I first stepped on the treadmill. My time in that 5K was 35:51, about 11:32 per mile.

Yesterday I ran the NYRR Gridiron 4 Mile. I finished in 25:47 (6:26 pace), a full ten minutes faster than that first 3.1 miles.

Last month, I ran the Fred Lebow Classic 5 Mile race in Central Park. I finished that race in 33:09 (6:37 pace), over two minutes faster than that first 5K race.

I hope this achievement will serve as a testament to the fact that with determination and hard work, anything is possible.

[/running] [permanent link]

Duality
Given the infinitesimally small reader base of this weblog, and the fact that most, if not all, of those readers know me personally, there's a good chance that you know I've fairly recently gotten a pair of tattoos.

The first tattoo, on my right arm, is a "26.2" in a giraffe print. That number, of course, is the distance of a Marathon in miles. Approximately one tenth of one percent of the population has ever completed a Marathon. I am one of those individuals and it is because of the Giraffes, the running team my friends started and pulled me into, that I was able to accomplish this feat.

The second tattoo, on my left arm, is a 6x8 grid of binary digits which spell out my first initial and last name in ASCII. Beneath the binary grid is a "v3.1" in a more stylized font. I was named after my father who had been named after his father, making me the third, version 3.0 if you will. In the last few years I've "upgraded." I'm smaller, faster, stronger, kinder, more extroverted and more optimistic than I was, but I am not an entirely new person. Hence v3.1.

There's more to the meaning of these tattoos than the explanations above. They represent the duality of myself. One represents the decidedly geeky nature that has been a part of me for almost my entire life. The other represents a newer aspect of myself, the endurance athlete.

It has been difficult for me to resolve these aspects. You were a nerd or a jock. There was a perceived inherent conflict between the two. You could be one or the other, not both. I was a nerd. I was never a jock. Now I'm both.

And I can be both. There is no reason can't, because this is what I've become; this is what I am.

[/musings/self] [permanent link]

Writing

"You need strong emotion, whether it's fiery or depressed, an extreme state of mind. I think in any art form it's the case." -- Daniel Ash

Maybe it's my lack of experience. Maybe it's my lack of talent. I tried to sit down and write music for the song known as Ravage in the new naming scheme, but I failed miserably. When I try to force it, like I did tonight, nothing comes out right. I have ideas, I can hear them in my head, but without that inspiration, without that emotion, nothing I produce sounds right.

I've been too happy recently and it's destroyed my creativity. I get the urge, I have the inspiration, to write when I feel negative emotions. I need anger; I need depression. It is in dealing with these emotions that I am able to write.

I have tried several times to force myself to feel this way. This usually buys me a few minutes in which I can write, but it often fails. Because the emotions are artificial, the results are mediocre at best.

I find this situation to be quite frustrating. I want to move forward with this album, but without that inspiration I am unable to do anything.

In the meantime, I'm slowly teaching myself to play guitar and, to a much lesser extent, a keyboard-style synthesizer. I've also been going through materials my music teacher friend gave me to learn some basic music theory. Hopefully once I find that needed inspiration, or find a way to work without being angry or depressed, this new knowledge will make things easier.

[/album] [permanent link]

Revision Control
One could argue that this should be filed under the Unix category, but this post is more about the album than it is about the Concurrent Versions System.

Friday night I created a CVS repository on this server to manage album related files. After discussing it with rskutins, we agreed on several key points.

First, with changes being made a little more frequently than before, it would be best to have some way to track what was going on, and to be able to roll back to a previous version if the changes don't quite work out. Second, we wanted to have a way to organize several files for each song, for instance, lyrics, notes, bass tabs, drum tabs, etc. Last, and maybe the most important reason for the reorganization, we wanted to move away from the numbering scheme that was in place. Each song was numbered from 0 to 17. This was fine until we realized 11 was likely to be the first track on the album.

Now the album is stored in a CVS repository. This will keep a version history of each file, allow us to simultaneously work on parts of the album, and merge our changes.

Within this repository we now have a tree structure where each song has its own directory. The directory will hold any and all files related to that song. In an effort to move away from the numbering scheme, an arbitrary naming convention was mutually agreed upon. The songs are now known by names such as Soundwave, Ravage, Frenzy, and Rumble.

The album is starting to come together. I feel motivated to work on it and recently I've found myself inspired to write. Now if only I had time.

Omlette listened to the Accidental Mix I posted (of the song now known as Soundwave) and gave me some feedback.

It sounded ominous. I don't know how else to describe it since I'm not familiar w/ either artist. Oh wait. Were you mixing your own stuff?

Ominous seems like it could be a good thing given the current direction of the album.

If anyone else takes the time to listen to it, I'd appreciate any comments or suggestions. If you don't have it, my contact information is on this page.

[/album] [permanent link]

Another Demo Update
Two weeks! Ha! It's been closer to two months.

A few days ago I had some time so I sat down with the ProTools set up again. After considering some advice from jlight, I decided to record a second track of the bass line. I decided to use my Yamaha for the second track, as I had used my Fender for the original recording back in June. The two instruments have different characteristics in their sounds and the two playing together seems to add a "fullness" to the sound.

So all I had to do was record 24 seconds of bass and put together a mix. This should take, what, 15 minutes? It took 45 just to record. Once again ProTools repeatedly crashed. When it wasn't crashing, it would report an error and stop recording. Does anyone know if there are updates for ProTools LE 7.1 that will fix this issue? As it stands now, I can't run ProTools for more than a few seconds without disabling multi-core support on my CPU. I have multiple processors. It is a multi-threaded application. It should run better... But I'll save this for that upcoming ProTools rant I keep promising.

Anyway, after about an hour and fifteen minutes, I got two mixes complete. One of them was accidental and sounds, "interesting." The other is closer to what I had in mind. While I wait for feedback on the actual mix from certain people, everyone is free to enjoy the accidental mix found here.

If anyone actually listens to it, I'd be happy to accept any comments and criticism.

[/album] [permanent link]

Demo -- Update
Rskutins recorded his drum part and sent it to me via the wonders of TCP/IP netowrking. On Friday night I finally had enough time (and motivation) to start recording.

I spent a lot of time fighting with ProTools. It repeatedly crashed. Often, when it didn't crash, it simply stopped recording and reported that an error had occurred. I'm remembering this for the ProTools rant that will be coming in the future.

After 45 minutes I had recorded about 6 seconds of vocals and the 24 second bass line. The next block of Copious Free Time(TM) I have, I'll begin the rough mix of the three parts. Hopefully ProTools won't crash as often during that phase.

With any luck, it'll be mixed in the next week or two.

[/album] [permanent link]

Demo
In the next few weeks we are going to attempt to record and roughly mix a demo of a short track which will serve as an introduction to the album.

Currently known as 11, it is a very short piece in 4/4 time at 80bpm. It is in the key of B minor and the spoken words are taken from a quote attributed to Nietzsche.

What upsets me is not that you lied to me, but that from now on I can no longer believe you.

This short demo will hopefully get me motivated enough to put more time into the album.

More information will be posted when it becomes available.

[/album] [permanent link]

A Brief History
Last Summer, my friend, rskutins, and I decided we were going to write an album. He got out his drum machine, being smaller and easier to store and carry than a full kit, and I got out my bass and we started putting together some pieces that were... not good.

We had little direction, I was afraid to play things outside of my comfort zone, and we had some problems communicating. This project quickly fell apart, but we never completely gave up the idea.

In March I found the inspiration I needed. I talked to rskutins and we started working on an album again. This time, fueled by strong emotion, both fiery and depressed, I started by writing lyrics.

Not all are complete, but there are about 15 sets of lyrics for us to use as a starting point. Rskutins has tweaked the lyrics in some places to make them fit a better rhythm while still maintaining the intent of the words. I am quite pleased by what he has done.

Based on these lyrics we have begun writing short pieces here and there when we feel inspired. Rskutins has laid down some pretty good beats to start with. I've been attempting to learn some basic music theory and trying to apply those ideas to the layers on top of what rskutins has written already.

And that's where we are now. Still learning, still writing. Our day jobs have slowed down our progress considerably so it could very well take until the Autumn before we're ready to record and mix the album.

[/album] [permanent link]

Merry Christmas
While the holidays are supposed to be a joyous time, I know and understand how hard they can be for some people. If you're having a rough time over the next week or so and need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. If you're reading this blog, you likely know my email address or phone number.

[/musings] [permanent link]

Aisling at 35
She's still looking good at 35....

[/dmc] [permanent link]

Happy Birthday Aisling!!!!
My DeLorean, #5333, was built in October of 1981. This month, the car will be 35 years old and she looks and handles like the day she came off the assembly line.

[/dmc] [permanent link]

Don't Call it a Comeback
On June fourth, I was running in the Tourne on a trail I first ran twenty years ago, a trail I've run hundreds if not thousands of times before. On that morning, my foot came down on a wet rock at just the wrong angle, slipped just enough and I rolled my ankle. Not only did I roll the joint, I came down on it with enough force to break it; a fact I would learn when I final saw a doctor about it on June ninth.

No surgery was required, but I was unable to run for three months. I was finally cleared to run. The plan was to start with short distances, about a quarter mile, on a rubberized track then build up from there, moving on to treadmills and eventually roads and trails. I was instructed to spend six months rebuilding my 60 mile per week base.

On the morning of September 11 (a day I will never forget and a morning that will always make me feel a bit uneasy), I took to the track for the first time. I started by walking a mile. As I finished the fourth lap, I said a prayer, asking God to give me the run I needed and the wisdom to know when to stop. I queued up my playlist: AC\DC's "Back in Black" and LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out." I took my first stride.

I've been progressing well in the last two weeks; pushing it on some days, resting when necessary. Though the short, slow distances have been frustrating, it feel good to be running again. Every stride I take I'm reminded of everything I love about the sport.

It's good to be back.

[/running] [permanent link]

Fun Conversations
The DeLorean often leads to conversations one wouldn't normally expect. Case in point: today I had to call my auto insurance provider for an issue with my daily driver. After taking some info to pull up my account the conversation went something like this:

Agent: Which car is this?
Me: The Pontiac.
Agent: Am I reading this right?
Me: Reading what?
Agent: I'm sorry, do you have a DeLorean?
Me: Yes.
Agent: I never thought I'd see someone with a policy on a DeLorean.
Me: Well, you've insured both of mine...
Agent: You've had two DeLoreans?
Me: Yes.

At that point there were a few more questions and then we got back to the issue which my phone call had been about originally.

[/dmc] [permanent link]

An Observation
There is something satisfying about driving in a DeLorean while listening to The Clash's Live: From Here to Eternity.

[/dmc] [permanent link]

What Year is This?!
So this was my Saturday night....

[/musings] [permanent link]

He's Not Wrong...
Over at Net Meister there's a nice peice entitled Things They Don't Teach You in School". A lot of what Jan has to say is spot-on observation and good advice.

It's definitely worth a read.

[/code] [permanent link]

Trouble opening aterm in FreeBSD?
Here's a soltuion! https://forums.freebsd.org/threads/44941/

[/unix] [permanent link]

X11 Mouse Cursor Themes
Starting after installimg the binary nvidia drivers on both my laptop (Quadro K1100M) and my workstation (GeForce GT 630) Blackbox was defaulting to a mouse cursor that was suboptimal, a black, notched triangle.

The settings in the Xresources for the mouse cursor theme are honored by XDM at the graphical log in, but when Blackbox or Fluxbox start, the cursor would change to the black notched triangle. TWM honors the settings in Xresources, but TWM is just a little too minimalist, even for me.

But there's a simple fix!

Create a file in your home directory (if it doesn't already exist) .icons/default/index.theme. In this file, add the following lines:

[Icon Theme]
Inherits = polarblue

where polarblue is the name of the X11 mouse cursor theme you wish to use. FreeBSD installs many of the X11 cursor sets into /usr/local/lib/X11/icons/, your Unix flavor may be different. In theory, you can also install new themes of your choosing into ~/.icons/ and use those without the need for any elevated privileges.

Additionally, there's the option of creating a .Xdefaults file in the home directory and adding the line

Xcursor.theme: polarblue

Again, where polarblue is the name of theme you want to use.

[/unix] [permanent link]

FreeBSD Unix on Dell Precision M4800
I installed FreeBSD 10.3 on the laptop I recently acquired and almost eveything worked out of the box. The gigabit ethernet and wi-fi coards worked fine and by setting the BIOS to discrete graphics only, the nVidia Quadro was recognized.

I installed the binary driver from nVidia, because they support FreeBSD because they're awesome like that. The nvidia-xconfig(1) program was useful to streamline the process of getting X.org to use the Quadro.

There were a few things that did need some tewaking though. First there's the sound card. Because the quadro supports HDMI (in addition to VGA and DisplayPort), it includes an HDA-compliant sound card. This card is recognized before the primary HDA-compliant sound card in the machine, the one that's actually connected to the speakers.

I did some research and there were some suggestions about using sysctl(8) to control soundcard GPIO pins to connect the nVidia sound device to the speackers but what ultimately worked was using sysctl(8) to change the default primary sound device to the dedicated card. There were a few ways to make this happen but the one I found that actually worked was to place sysctl(8) command lines in /etc/rc.local.

First I found the device I wanted as the default:

mforde@gaz:~> cat /dev/sndstat 
Installed devices:
pcm0:  (play) default
pcm1:  (play)
pcm2:  (play) 
pcm3:  (play)

Device pcm2 was the one I wanted so I added the following lines to /etc/rc.local

sysctl hw.snd.default_unit=2
sysctl hw.snd.default_auto=2

Now when boot completes pcm2 is set to my default and sound "just works" and sndstat shows pcm2 as the default.

I found ACPI support has some weirdness as ACPI support often does. What I found was that Suspend works from console, but resume doesn't... HOWEVER After I start X ACPI suspend and resume work just fine. Normally I prefer to boot into a console and only start X if I really need it, but because I want suspend and resume to work "by default" I've enabled X to start at boot by allowing the xdm console in /etc/ttys.

But this had one last issue. See, when manually starting X, I added the -dpi 143 option to get graphics and text to be appropriately sized for my screen. XDM needed to know about this.

This probably wasn't the best place to do it, but I edited /usr/local/lib/X11/xdm/XServers and modified the call to X(7) to add the -dpi 143 option. Now when Xdm loads at start up, the DPI is set correctly.

The function keys for adjusting the screen brightness don't work; however, xbacklight(1) works just fine. Similarly the volume keys don't work but I can adjust the volume quite easily with aumix(1).

I've submitted my dmesg output to NYCBUG's dmesgd repository.

I suppose I've posted this for two reasons. The first is so I have a record of how I eventually got these little things working in case I have to do it again. The second is in case anyone has similar issues with their hardware; if they happen to stumble upon this, it might give them some hints.

[/unix] [permanent link]

Megapath sucks
Speakeasy was by far the best ISP I ever dealt with. Freindly, and above all, knowledgeable. Since they have been purchased by Megapath then merged into Global Capacity, their tech support has been, frankly a bunch of idiots. Furthermore, their website routinely has "Service failed" errors that prevent you from logging in, changing passwords, and viewing account information.

Today, after being unable to log in to the website due to "service failed" the tech support rep on the phoned didn't understand what a subnet mask or gateway address were. Eventually I just got her to read me "all three IP addresses" on the screen in front of her.

But at this point my only other option is Verizon. So I'm sticking with Megapath.

[/musings] [permanent link]

Found this sitting in a tarball of my old home directory...

                                                                                                                              
                                                                                                                              
              ..,,..  ..ttLLLLtt..  ..;;ii;;,,..;;ttGGLL;;....iiiiiiiiiiii..    ..iijjttttii..                                
      iiLLLLGGKKKKDDLLGG########GGLLDDWWWWWWKKKKKK######WWDDEEWW##WWWW##WWDDjjffDD##########LL..          ..;;..              
  ..ffWW########WWKK####KKjjttEE####WWGGGGEEGGDDDDGGjjttGGKKWWWWLLGGLLGG##########DDjjttttGG##GGffttiiiiffDDKKDDGGGGGGii      
  ff####GGffffttii;;ttLLiijjtt;;LLtt;;,,,,;;;;;;iittLLtt;;,,iiiiiitt;;;;ffGGGGLLtt;;iiii;;;;DDWW####WWWW####KKDDKKKKWWWWtt    
..EE##LL;;ttttLLttLLLLttff##WWGGjjffGGDDGGKKKKKKWW####WWDDGGDDDDWW##EEEEffttffLLffGGWWWWGG;;;;ttffjjffDDDDff;;;;;;iittKKWWii  
;;KKKKiittKK######WWWW######################################KKKKWW##WW##################WWKKDDffttjjjjiiiiiiLLEEGGDDiittWWLL  
..KK##ttGG######WWDDDDEEKKDDKKWWDDKKEEKKWWEEKKEEWW##WWKKWWEELLLLDDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKK##########WW####KKWWKK########KKiiDDEEii
  DD##ffGG######EELLLLLLLLLLGGDDLLDDGGDDDDLLLLEE####WWGGGGLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDKK######WW####KKKKKKWWWWKKKKWW####ttLLWWLL
  GG##LLLL##KKKKDDLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLGGWW####WWLLDDLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLGGKKWW######EEEEDDLLLLLLDDEEEELLEE####ffLLWWGG
  LL##GGjj##KKLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDKK####WWLLEEDDLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLGGEEKK##WW##EELLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDLLKK##WWiiGGKKjj
  jj##GGiiWWWWGGLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDKK####KKLLKKEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLKK##GG##EEDDDDLLLLLLLLLLLLLLKK##GG;;KKDD;;
  ii##EE;;DDWWGGLLLLLLLLLLLLGGLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLKK####KKLLDDDDLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEE##ffWWKKEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLKKWWiijj##ff  
  ;;WWWWiiGGKKLLLLLLLLGGLLDDEEDDLLLLLLLLLLLLLLKK####KKDDGGLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDWWttEEWWDDDDLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEKKiiKKWW;;  
  ;;WW##ttGGWWGGLLLLLLEEDDEE##KKLLLLLLLLLLLLLLKK######WWEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLDDDDGGGGDDKKWWiiLLWWGGLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLKKKKttWWLL    
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  ii##WWttWW##EELLLLLLDDEE######EELLLLLLLLLLLLKKDDEE####KKLLLLLLLLLLEE##################ii..KKEELLLLLLLLLLLLGGDD##DDffWWii    
  ;;WW##ttLL##KKLLLLLLLLEE##KK##KKLLLLLLLLLLDD##LLLLEEWWKKLLLLLLLLLLKK####WWKKffLLKKWWGG;;..EEKKLLLLLLLLLLLLDDEE##LLLLWWii    
  ..EE##LLiiWWKKLLLLLLGGKK##LLKKKKGGLLLLLLDDWW##ff;;iiKKKKLLLLLLLLLLKK##WWLLffttiijjLLiiffttGG##DDLLLLLLLLDDEEKK##ffLLKKii    
    LL##KKiiKKWWGGLLLLLLKK##ttGGWWDDLLLLLLEE####tt;;,,EEKKDDLLLLLLLLEE##########WWWWWWttGGGGttWWWWDDLLLLLLGGGGKK##ffGGKK;;    
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      ;;KKWWiiDDDDLLLLWWWWffff######EELLDD##GGff######KKttWW##DDLLLLEE##ffGGKKjj;;iiDD######KKjj##KKLLLLLLLLKKGGffWWii        
      ,,KK##iiDDEELLLLWWGG  iiffffWWDDLLEE##GGff########ttGG##EELLLLEE##ttLL####WWWW########KKtt##KKLLLLLLGGWWLLLLKK;;        
      ..KK##ttLLKKLLLLKKGG......ttKKGGLLEE##LLLL########GGtt##KKLLLLEEKK;;LL########WWKKWW##KKttWWWWDDLLLLDD##ffLLGG..        
      ..KK##jjLLWWGGLLKKKK;;ttttff##DDLLDDWWttGG########KKttWWKKGGLLDDKKiiEE##ffttttii..ttWWWWttKK##EELLDDKK##ttGGGG          
      ;;KK##ffLLWWGGLLKKEE;;LLGGtt##KKLLGGKKjjKK########WWttKKWWDDLLDDKKttKKEE..          GG##ffff##WWDDWW##EEiiEELL          
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              ..ttEEWWWWDDii        ttEEKKGG;;                ..;;;;ii;;                          ;;ttffii..                  
                  ..ii;;..            ..;;..                                                                                  
                                                                                                                              

[/musings] [permanent link]

Remapping Keys in Vim
While I love the keyboard on my relatively new Dell M4800, I'm not particularly fond of the placement of the Page Up and Page Down keys to the left and right of the Up arrow, and above the Left and Right arrow keys. I find myself accidently hitting those keys too frequently while editing code and jumping all over the file.

So I remapped them. It was quite simple, because Vim is awesome. I added the following lines to my .vimrc file:

map <PageUp> <Up>
map <PageDown> <Down>

This turns Page Up into a second Up arrow, and Page Down into a second Down arrow. For now, I'll leave it like that. I may remap them to the Left and Right arrows in the future. Or not.

[/unix] [permanent link]

New Vernon Coach and Motor Works is Awesome
For as long as I've been a DeLorean owner, I've been taking the car to New Vernon Coach and Motor Works. They have always been professional and courteous, and they have always done top-notch work. I highly recommend them.

[/dmc] [permanent link]

How to Make VMWare suck less Tip #273
Find the .vmx file for your VM and add a line

bios.bootDelay = "15000"

That gives you 15 seconds before the virtual machine launches the boot loader, giving you plenty of time to do things like change the boot order so you start from a recovery CD.

[/unix] [permanent link]

Prince
I'll never forget the day I started liking Prince's music. I was with my friend in his car headed somewhere. We were listening to K-Rock and they had a "listener playlist" where for about an hour, all the music had been selected by a listener and this listener was on the phone, talking with the DJ about his selections and introducing songs.

The guy announced that the next song was from Prince. The DJ questioned this selection and he said, "No, this dude can shred. Just listen."

And we laughed.

And we listened.

And Prince shredded.

[/musings] [permanent link]

It's been a while...
It's been a while since I've had a substantial update here. I've been busy living life leaving little time to be writing about it; at least writing about it here.

Work has been quite busy for a while now. Lots of projects, lots of deadlines, lots of extra hours. But there hasn't been any "mandatory seven day work weeks" like I had at that one job, and there isn't that expectation of "you can work from home so you are always expected to be working" I had at the last job. Plus, the work is a lot more interesting than anything I've done in years.

Bernstein was right: money doesn't motivate me, interesting problems and the ability to tinker do.

Yesterday the DeLorean rolled over to 16,000 miles. That's still about 1,000 miles a year I'm putting on it. I'd like to keep the mileage low, but she's just so much fun to drive. I've been asked by people at work to bring Aisling next week for Bring Your Child to Work Day. Apparently a lot of my co-workers have told their kids about the car and they want to see it.

I ran my 29th half-marathon this past weekend. I'd like to get up to 32 this year. I'm also signed up for my 13th marathon this Autumn. I'm considering running number 14 a few weeks later.

In addition to all of that taking up my time, I've also been volunteering with the Youth Ministry at a church in my diocese. That's been quite an amazing adventure. It's had a profound impact on my life and has certainly helped at least a few teens. It's been an honor to do the Lord's work. Maybe someday I'll publish some of the talks I've given. The In His Image talk seems to have resonated with a lot of people, certainly more so than some of the other talks.

I guess that sums things up for now.

[/musings] [permanent link]

1461117251
"Each of us is willed. Each of us is loved. Each of us is necessary." - Pope Benedict XVI

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[/mobile] [permanent link]

On Content "Management" Systems
Wordpress is the new Typo3.

Discuss amongst yourselves.

[/musings] [permanent link]

1454815466
Beautiful https://www.instagram.com/p/BBeDsOSrXEk/

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[/mobile] [permanent link]

1453995544
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=P3hY1eagq88

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[/mobile] [permanent link]

Fifth Avenue Mile
The results are in. I did the mile in 5:34, three seconds faster than I had ever done in training. One mile down, 18 more to go tomorrow morning.

[/running] [permanent link]

A Weekend at the Races
Tomorrow is the Fifth Avenue Mile and Sunday is the Marathon Tune-Up. I'm looking forward to both. If all goes well, I should be done with tomorrow's race in under six minutes. Sunday's race I'm aiming for a time between 135 and 140 minutes. We'll see what happens...

[/running] [permanent link]

Hope Chest
A conversation I had while helping some friends move:

me: So what do they keep in this hope chest?
Jaxon: Hope.
me: So that's why it's so light.

[/musings] [permanent link]

Product Review: ASICS Cumulus-10
This is the second installment of my running product reviews. Last time I said I'd discuss my "current running shoe" but my training has turned me into a liar. I'm still going to discuss the ASICS Cumulus-10, but it is no longer my current running shoe.

At this point, the Cumulus-10 can still be found, although supplies are limited. I recently tried to purchase a second pair of these and was unable to find them in my size. I could have had a 9.5 or a 12, but not the 10.5 I needed.

When the Nike Tailwinds no longer provided adequate cushioning, I had to find a new shoe, one that would work for a lighter runner. After reading reviews online and in magazines, particularly Runner's World, I went over to Fleet Feet in Montclair and talked to the sales staff there.

After trying on a few pairs, I decided on the Cumulus-10 but wanted to wait until after the Brooklyn Half Marathon, a week away, before breaking in new shoes. This is not what happened. Because of the lack of cushioning in the Tailwinds, I ended up with horrible shin splints during my lunch time run the day before Brooklyn. I called up fleet feet, asked them to hold a pair of the Cumulus-10s for me and I picked them up that evening. I ran in them for the first time the next morning in the Brooklyn Half.

Those shoes were amazing. They were soft enough to provide the compression needed for good cushioning at my weight. And while they were soft, they weren't mushy either. The ASICS GEL cushioning system is in place in both the heel and the forefoot, providing ample shock absorption for heel strikes and mid- to fore-foot strikes.

The toe box was slightly narrow, but starting the laces one hole up from the bottom provided enough extra space while keeping my foot firmly in place.

The sole in the forefoot is wide; wider than the sole in the Tailwinds. This provides support for the foot during the toe-off portion of the stride.

The Cumulus-10 served me well until I had put just under 600 miles on them. At that point the cushioning was worn down and not as effective as it once was. I retired them about a week after the NYC Half Marathon in August giving me about 12 weeks worth of running. In actuality, I should have retired them after about 10 weeks.

I recommend the ASICS Cumulus-10 for lighter runners with normal to low arches. Left over stock of the Cumulus-10 can be found at EastBay's website for $69.99 (both men's and women's), although many sizes are unavailable at this time.

Next time, we'll discuss my current running shoe, the ASICS Cumulus-11. I've been slacking a bit so I only have about 250 miles on this pair so far. Hopefully I'll post the review before I hit 500 miles and retire these.

[/running/reviews] [permanent link]

It's about time...
It's about time some one took down Ravache.

[/musings] [permanent link]

Can't Argue with That...
Well, I have to admit it; there's one issue I agree with Obama on: Kayne West is a jackass.

[/politics] [permanent link]

On a lighter note...
Scribblenauts is surprisingly awesome.

[/musings] [permanent link]

The Biggest Loser
Last night was supposed to be my night off. My IT-band and my hamstring in my left leg have been tight the last few days so I spent some time stretching, but that was to be the extent of my workout.

I started watching the season premier of The Biggest Loser. After about a half hour of that, I felt "motivated" and I spent an hour core training. Watching those contestants at such an early stage of the game made me remember what I have accomplished, how hard I worked for it, and that it will be a never ending battle.

Sure I'm running 50 to 60 miles a week now. Sure I'm spending hours weight lifting and core training every week. I've taken my BMI from 36.5 to 20.0, and now begins the next phase, keeping the weight off. I can't become complacent. If I do, I will have lost.

[/musings] [permanent link]

TBMChicago
TBMChicago has some live footage of The Birthday Massacre as well as galleries of photographs taken during performances and after shows hanging out with fans.

I'm a little shocked that it's taken me this long to find this site. But then again, I'm usually out of the loop on things so maybe it shouldn't be too surprising.

I'm waiting for the DVD release of Show and Tell. I haven't found a release date yet, but I could just be out of the loop yet again.

[/musings] [permanent link]

Happy Birthday

Last night I went to see The Birthday Massacre in Hackensack. The show was at the School of Rock which is a rather small, intimate venue.

The first act was September Mourning. I thought they were pretty good. I got to speak to Emily and Chris from the band later in the evening and they seemed like pretty cool people.

Dommin was the next band up. The singer's got a pretty good voice and the bassist was really good. They played a cover of Depeche Mode's "People are People" and it was pretty good.

I was a little less than impressed with I Am Ghost. They weren't bad, but I couldn't get into them.

Early in the evening, before Dommin's set I went to the merchandise table and picked up two new shirts. Now I have TBM shirts that fit! I also picked up a copy of the new live album Show and Tell. Zimmy couldn't make it this tour, but Michelle, the girl who took his place, was just as awesome as he was.

The Birthday Massacre was great. They played a good mix from their albums including songs from their three albums and the Looking Glass EP.

If you care (or even if you don't), their set list follows:

• Red Stars
• Goodnight
• Falling Down
• Play Dead
• Weekend
• Shiver
• To Die For
• Lovers End
• Remember Me
• Video Kid
• Violet
• Looking Glass
• I Think We're Alone Now
• Walking With Strangers
• Blue
• Happy Birthday

They didn't play my favorite song, "Broken," but I was not disappointed in the set at all.

After the show they came out to meet the fans. I was able to get their new live album signed by Falcore, Oen, Rainbow, and Chibi. The latter three also autographed the photos I had taken with them last year and they were pretty nice about it.

Not that anyone really cares, but these are the photos my friend took. If you view the full version, be warned that I'm in the photos too.

M. Falcore	Chibi

[/musings] [permanent link]

Happy Birthday

Last night I went to see The Birthday Massacre in Hackensack. The show was at the School of Rock which is a rather small, intimate venue.

The first act was September Mourning. I thought they were pretty good. I got to speak to Emily and Chris from the band later in the evening and they seemed like pretty cool people.

Dommin was the next band up. The singer's got a pretty good voice and the bassist was really good. They played a cover of Depeche Mode's "People are People" and it was pretty good.

I was a little less than impressed with I Am Ghost. They weren't bad, but I couldn't get into them.

Early in the evening, before Dommin's set I went to the merchandise table and picked up two new shirts. Now I have TBM shirts that fit! I also picked up a copy of the new live album Show and Tell. Zimmy couldn't make it this tour, but Michelle, the girl who took his place, was just as awesome as he was.

The Birthday Massacre was great. They played a good mix from their albums including songs from their three albums and the Looking Glass EP.

If you care (or even if you don't), their set list follows:

• Red Stars
• Goodnight
• Falling Down
• Play Dead
• Weekend
• Shiver
• To Die For
• Lovers End
• Remember Me
• Video Kid
• Violet
• Looking Glass
• I Think We're Alone Now
• Walking With Strangers
• Blue
• Happy Birthday

They didn't play my favorite song, "Broken," but I was not disappointed in the set at all.

After the show they came out to meet the fans. I was able to get their new live album signed by Falcore, Oen, Rainbow, and Chibi. The latter three also autographed the photos I had taken with them last year and they were pretty nice about it.

Not that anyone really cares, but these are the photos my friend took. If you view the full version, be warned that I'm in the photos too.

M. Falcore	Chibi

[/tbm] [permanent link]

Lincoln Tunnel Challenge
Today was the 2009 Lincoln Tunnel Challenge 5K run to benefit the Special Olympics. Last year's was my first race. It took me 35:51 to complete it last year ( an 11:32/mile pace). Today I went in with something to prove to myself. I came out of the tunnel with a new PR of 20:16 (6:31 pace).

[/running] [permanent link]

Volunteers Needed
The Lincoln Park Triathlon needs volunteers. If you'd like to help out, please visit www.lincolnparktriathlon.com/volunteers for more information.

This event isn't possible without the help of volunteers. If you or anyone you know would be interested in helping, please contact us.

[/musings] [permanent link]

1443142404
This is only a test. Had this been an actual post, there would be actual content. Or not.

==================================================================
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[/mobile] [permanent link]

Damn, it feels good to be a gangsta..
After I finished my run tonight, still in my soaked running gear, I walked directly to local grocery store for chocolate syrup and had the following conversation with the woman at the check out counter.

her: Over ice cream or chocolate milk.
me: Chocolate milk.
her: Nothing hits the spot like a cold glass of chocolate milk.
me: Especially after a long run.
her: How far did you run tonight?
me: Half marathon. My third in three days.
her: God bless you. God bless you.

Then, as I walked away she said, "Nice legs."
"Thanks. I've worked hard for those."

[/running] [permanent link]

Windows 8.1 in Virtual Box
I was attempting to run the Windows 8.1 Preview in a VM using Sun's Oracle's Virtual Box on a Windows 7 host. I ran into a minor problem.

The OS wouldn't boot. I received an error stating:

Your computer needs to restart. Please hold down the power button. Error Code: 0x000000C4 Parameters: [redacted]

Looking for the error code online led me to this article describing the issue and a fix. The key to fixing this was running the command:

"c:\Program Files\Oracle\VirtualBox\VBoxManage.exe" setextradata "" VBoxInternal/CPUM/CMPXCHG16B 1

The CMPXCHG16B is an instruction in 64-bit X86 processors that allows for atomic operations on octal words.

[/musings] [permanent link]

It's not magic, it's C.
I love reading comments like

/* These defined magically in the linker script. */

I found that in the GNU Standard C Library implementation when GCC told me the the variables to which the comment referred were undefined. I guess that linker script isn't magic after all...

[/code] [permanent link]

Cast Yourself

"Cast yourself upon Him and be not afraid; He will not draw away and let you fall. Cast yourself without fear, He will receive you and heal you."

-- Saint Augustine, Confessions: Book 8, Chapter 11

[/musings] [permanent link]

1420590331
Castle of Dr. Brain : Sierra On-Line, Inc. : Free Streaming : Internet Archive https://archive.org/details/msdos_Castle_of_Dr._Brain_1991

==================================================================
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[/mobile] [permanent link]

1302293987
Why do I run?

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==================================================================
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[/mobile] [permanent link]

Christmas Eve
On Christmas Eve, I headed out around 7:00PM to take a look at the Christmas lights and decorations around town. There was a snow storm predicted for around 9:00PM, so I decided to take the DeLorean out for one last drive before the Wonderful Winter Weather(TM).

The snow started much earlier than expected. The snow was light and slow, and despite the car not handling well in slick conditions, I kept going for a while.

As I was driving I had the realization that I was having an experience no one else in the world has ever had. I was driving a DeLorean through my town on Christmas Eve, admiring Christmas lights and listening to Christmas music as snow fell.

I looked over at the empty passenger seat and wished there had been someone, anyone there to share this with. So for now, until circumstances like this arise again, I will continue to be the only person to have experienced this.

When I got home, I took this photograph.

[/dmc] [permanent link]

freebsd-update
I'm attempting to update my laptop from FreeBSD 9.1-Beta1 to 9.1-RC1. The freebsd-update(8) utilitly was reporting an error finding the public key. A quick search found this thread. As per tangram's suggestion, I used

env UNAME_r=9.0-RELEASE freebsd-update upgrade -r 9.1-RC1

and then the update began working.

[/unix] [permanent link]

St Michael, defend us in battle
Crisis Magazine has a great piece about St Michael and the ongoing spiritual warfare in the world.

[/musings] [permanent link]

... On man pages, a mini-rant
I really despise the linux man pages. They're useless at best and wrong at worst.

From the man page for setsockopt: "The include file <sys/socket.h> contains definitions for socket level options, described below."

1) The options are not "described below."
2) No, that file actually doesn't contain those definitions.

On the other hand... The FreeBSD man page for setsockopt does actually describe the options and under FreeBSD the <sys/socket.h> file does indeed contain the definitions.

[/unix] [permanent link]

Lincoln Park Triathlon
This Summer Lincoln Park will hold its first triathlon. More information can be found at www.lincolnparktriathlon.com.

If you're not quite interested in racing it, we're looking for volunteers to help out that day.

[/running] [permanent link]

WPLJ's NYC Half Marathon Themed Phone Scam
Yesterday Scott and Todd aired a phone scam related to the NYC Half Marathon. It's available here for now if you haven't heard it.

I was a little disappointed in the way the guy from the running store responded. He struck me as the kind of guy that looks down on the back-of-the-pack plodders. They're out there doing their best just like the elites and everyone in between; they deserve respect too.

Other than that, it was a rather funny phone scam; one of the best I've heard in a while.

[/running] [permanent link]

I wasn't born this way; I made myself.
I heard that Lady Gaga song on the radio the other day, you know the one that sounds like the Madonna song, and it got me thinking. On the surface it seems to contain a very positive message about accepting yourself because you were "Born This Way." You were born like this, you were made this way, there's nothing you can do about it so be happy with it.

I disagree. Sure, when we're born we're stuck with the genetic material passed on to us by our lineage. But we're more than that, what we are, what we become, is so much more than how we were born. And this made me think about the Incubus song, "Make Yourself." I find the message of that song to be much more positive. While the song has an overt "them vs. you" context, the general theme is one of taking responsibility for yourself and what you become.

Was I born the way I am today? Judging from the direction my life took in the first twenty-six years, and comparing it to the last three years, the answer is no. I was born heavy, weighing in over nine pounds. I grew into a heavy kid. I was always sad and lonely as a kid. I had few friends. I rarely went outside. I never played sports. I watched a lot of TV. I ate a lot. I got heavier. I got sadder. I got lonelier. But I was born this way, right? I should have just accepted it, right?

While I was born heavy, I didn't have to stay that way. It was my own choices that made me into the depressed, obese misanthrope I was. Despite my claims that I was born that way, genetically predisposed to those conditions, I really made myself that way.

And then I decided to change that. I took responsibility for my life. I started exercising. I ran. I ate healthier. I lost weight. I had better relationships with my friends. I started making new friends. I became happier.

Just as I had made myself into what I was, I made myself into what I am today. The key to this change was taking personal responsibility for myself. No longer did I use the excuse of being born that way. I knew I was like that because of my decisions and my actions. I knew through my decisions and my actions I could change. And I did. I made myself.

"If you really want to live, why not try and make yourself?"

[/musings/self] [permanent link]

Product Review: Nike Tailwind 2008
Welcome to a new feature on this blog. I'm going spend some time writing what I think of various running related items such as shoes, clothes, and energy gels.

My first review is the Nike Tailwind 2008 running shoe. At this point, they're a little hard to find as they have been replaced by the Tailwind 2009. From what I've read about the 2009 edition, not much has changed so much of this should still be relevant.

What first drew me to this running shoe was the Air Max cushioning. Like many Nikes, the heel contained the Air pockets. Unlike many other Nikes, these also had the Air Max cushioning in the forefoot.

I tried them on and they were snug, but not too tight. Perfect. They were already on sale by time I was buying them. Even better.

I ran about 400 miles in my first pair in about six months time, and replaced them with another pair which lasted about another four months. During this time the shoes served me well on treadmills as well as road and trail courses.

These shoes, however, are best for heavier runners. The cushioning is very firm and needs extra weight to compress properly for maximum impact absorption. When I first started wearing the Tailwinds, I was about two months into my training and was about 210lbs. As I ran more, I lost more weight. At 180lbs the shoes were still quite good. At 160lbs they still provided adequate cushioning, although I started to feel my runs more.

The Tailwinds served me well until I was under 140lbs. Below that and they feel like running in clogs.

I recommend the Nike Tailwinds for heavier runners with normal to low arches. The men's Tailwind 2009 can be found on the EastBay website for $79.99 (99.99 for women's) as of this writing, making them a relatively affordable running shoe.

Next time, we'll discuss my current running shoe, the ASICS Cumulus-10.

[/running/reviews] [permanent link]

A Day at the Races... In Brooklyn
Yesterday was the Brooklyn Half Marathon. It started in Prospect Park and made 2 loops around the park before exiting and getting on to Ocean Parkway at the 7 mile. From there it was straight to Coney Island where the race finished on the boardwalk near Keyspan Park. Approximately 12,000 people entered the race, and 9,415 people finished within the three hour time limit.

I was aiming for a pace between 7:30 and 7:45 per mile and ended up with a 7:33 pace for the day finishing in 1:39:07, ten minutes faster than my time for the Manhattan Half. While not my best pace ever, it is a half marathon PR for me.

Team Giraffes had a good showing. Four of the seven runners we entered finished in under 2 hours, and all finished in under 2:30. Four members of the team have completed their qualifiers for the 2010 NYC Marathon now, and another is one race away from completion.

[/running] [permanent link]

Sunset Classic 5M
I got to meet Bill Rodgers tonight after the Sunset Classic 5M in Bloomfield. He was signing autographs after the race and actually spedning time talking to people. He spent a good 5 to 10 minutes with everyone, answering questions, giving advice, and just talking about running in general. He signed my race bib and we talked about the course and his diet. He really did put mayo on pizza. Hellman's. Had to be Hellman's. As he put it, "When you're burning 5000 calories a day, you're hungry." It was a pretty good race, I kept pace with the second place female finisher for almost the whole race, with number 3 not far behind. In the last 200 meters or so they both took off and I finshed a few seconds behind them. After the race I thanked the girl I had been running with for making me push myself a little harder than I planned, and congratulated her on her placing. I also made some new friends from work. I met most of the company's running team after the race and we talked about running and stuff. Most of them are in other divisions of the company so I had never seen them before tonight.

[/running] [permanent link]

Beavertown Fall Classic 5K
Saturday morning was the third(?) annual Beavertown 5K. I had been training with a group of people for the two months leading up to the race. We registered as a team for the event, the Beavertown Runners.

I set out with the goal of finally breaking 20 minutes. With Philly so close I decided the PR wasn't worth risking an injury and I'd slow down if something felt off.

I didn't slow down. I finished in 6th place overall with a new PR of 19:51. The team rankings were determined by each team's top 3 finishers and, in our category, the Beavertown Runners took first.

[/running] [permanent link]

1267567528
6790 test.

--
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This mobile text message is brought to you by AT&T

[/mobile] [permanent link]

Fifth Avenue Mile
The results are in. I did the mile in 5:34, three seconds faster than I had ever done in training. One mile down, 18 more to go tomorrow morning.

[/running] [permanent link]

Trouble opening aterm in FreeBSD?
Here's a soltuion! https://forums.freebsd.org/threads/44941/

[/unix] [permanent link]

Happy Birthday Aisling!!!!
My DeLorean, #5333, was built in October of 1981. This month, the car will be 35 years old and she looks and handles like the day she came off the assembly line.

[/dmc] [permanent link]

Resetting Vim
On occasion while I'm coding, I'll mistype something and vim's code autoindenting will stop honoring my settings. Likely, I've done something stupid that has disabled or modifying the settings from the defaults I set in my .vimrc file.

If (when) this happens, Vim can be reset without exiting the procces by going into command mode and typing

:source $MYVIMRC

This reloads the settings of the .vimrc file without forcing you to restart the process, thus losing your place in your code.

[/unix] [permanent link]

camaraderie
Over the past few weeks, I've been running longer loops than I used to. While out and about on these loops, I often come across other runners. There are a few who I see frequently, and others I see not quite as often. Some have obviously been running for quite a long time while others seem to be just starting out.

One thing I've noticed is that almost all of these people will wave to other runners as they pass each other. It's like when two motorcycles pass each other on the highway, or when a corvette driver sees another on the road.

There's a feeling on camaraderie; a feeling that, despite having never spoken to any of these people, we share a bond.

[/musings] [permanent link]

I just ran...
15 miles because I felt like it.

[/running] [permanent link]

Hope
'Cause your mornings will be brighter
Break the line and tear up rules
Make the most of a million times "no"

[/musings] [permanent link]

FreeBSD 6.4 EoL
As of yesterday, FreeBSD 6.4, and with it the entire 6.x branch, has reached its End-of-Life. It's time to upgrade (or maybe upgrayedd, for a double dose of something-or-other).

So herein lies the problems. Months (years?) ago, I attempted to upgrade tak to FreeBSD 7.2. I plugged in a SATA disk into my workstation, installed the OS, reconfigured all the daemons, services, and functionalities tak has running, copied over a snapshot of all the data, and then edited the fstab to match the device names as they'd exist on tak.

I removed the IDE root disk and installed the new SATA disk and tak and watched the kernel fail to find the root disk. Or the other SATA disk in tak.

Based on the bug reports in the FreeBSD Gnats system, and various conversations in the mailing list, it seems Asus, who made the motherboard in tak, used a slightly non-standard SATA implementation on this particular board. Between the 6.x and 7.x line, some work had been done on the SATA drivers in FreeBSD and mad them more standards-compliant (a good thing). This, however, broke SATA on this Asus board.

Tak is about 6 years old now, and other than some over heating issues, serves its purpose well. So do upgrade to FreeBSD 8.x on an IDE disk and replace the other SATA disk with another ATA disk, or do I build a new, lower-power, higher-performance system?

If anyone actually reads this, feel free to use the new comments feature to give me feedback. I think it's working.

[/unix] [permanent link]

Senator Elbert Guillory
Elbert Guillory, a state senator in Louisiana, has switched his party affiliation from Democrat to Republican. This website has a short commentary on the matter, as well as an embedded video of Senator Guillory explaining his decision.

[/politics] [permanent link]

"Because you will be approached by people with questions and stupid jokes."
I took the DeLorean when I went to the bank this morning. I pulled into the parking lot and found a space. As I got out of the car a guy around my age came running over before I could shut the door.

He said, "I can't believe it, this amazing. I've always wanted to see one of these. Man, I was just watching the movie last night. Can I take a picture?"

I said, "sure" and let him know that it still needed some work so it doesn't look as good as it could. He said, "It doesn't matter; it's a DeLorean."

Later in the afternoon I went to get some more gas. I pulled into the station, shut off the car, got out and opened the hood to get to the gas cap. Neither of the attendants on duty had seen one before and both came over to see the car. They had some questions about the body construction and the engine.

[/dmc] [permanent link]

Sunset Classic 5M
I got to meet Bill Rodgers tonight after the Sunset Classic 5M in Bloomfield. He was signing autographs after the race and actually spedning time talking to people. He spent a good 5 to 10 minutes with everyone, answering questions, giving advice, and just talking about running in general. He signed my race bib and we talked about the course and his diet. He really did put mayo on pizza. Hellman's. Had to be Hellman's. As he put it, "When you're burning 5000 calories a day, you're hungry." It was a pretty good race, I kept pace with the second place female finisher for almost the whole race, with number 3 not far behind. In the last 200 meters or so they both took off and I finshed a few seconds behind them. After the race I thanked the girl I had been running with for making me push myself a little harder than I planned, and congratulated her on her placing. I also made some new friends from work. I met most of the company's running team after the race and we talked about running and stuff. Most of them are in other divisions of the company so I had never seen them before tonight.

[/running] [permanent link]

QOTD:
"I figured I'm getting too old to run, I might as well get married."

--
Acquaintance on missing a race to meet with caterers for his upcoming wedding.

[/running] [permanent link]

The new phone book is here!
I am now officially 5% rockstar. At least I am according to the New York Times. I am now the proud owner of DeLorean #6291 manufactured in November of 1981.

[/dmc] [permanent link]

NIN|JA
On June 6th, I attended the Nine Inch Nails/Jane's Addiction concert in Holmdel, NJ held at the Arts Center. I think I enjoyed it.

I ordered a pair of tickets through nin.com during the presale. I managed to get through shortly after they went on sale and ended up with two tickets for Section 104, Row S. This time I went with my friend from college who now lives in Virginia. He drove up for the day and had to head back down to VA the next morning.

As per the terms of the nin.com presale, we had to pick up the tickets at the venue, just as we did for the show at the Meadowlands last Summer. We arrived shortly before the gates opened, but were allowed in immediately after picking up the tickets.

I stopped and purchased an overpriced souvenir t-shirt at one of the merchandise stands. This time I was smarter and got a small. It fits much better than the XL I picked up in August.

At 7:30 the opening act, Street Sweeper Social Club, took the stage. They were pretty good. Let me clarify that. The guys with instruments were good. Tom Morello was close to awesome and the other musicians were good. I wished the vocalist would have just shut up.

At 8:15 Nine Inch Nails took the stage as Pinion played. As soon as it ended, they immediately went into Wish, quickly followed by Last. After Discipline, the band tore into March of the Pigs. The crowd exploded.

The 19 song set, was about an hour and a half. It was an amazing show. The stage show was incredibly stripped down compared to the previous show, utilizing only lights and fog machines. It was also far more aggressive.

At 10:00 Jane's Addiction took the stage. Unfortunately, because my friend had to leave for VA the next morning we only stayed for the first half of their hour long set. Dave Navarro was rather amazing. Eric Avery was great. Stephen Perkins was really good. Perry Farrel was certainly a good showman, but I found his voice a bit grating at times. If I have the chance, I would like to see them again.

NIN Setlist:

• Pinion
• Wish
• Last
• Discipline
• March Of The Pigs
• Reptile
• Meet Your Master
• Gave Up
• La Mer
• Non-Entity
• The Way Out Is Through
• Mr. Self Destruct
• 1,000,000
• Echoplex
• Survivalism
• The Good Soldier
• The Hand That Feeds
• Head Like A Hole
• Hurt

Jane's Addiction Setlist:

• Three Days
• Whores
• Ain't No Right
• Pigs In Zen
• Then She Did...
• Up The Beach
• Mountain Song
• Been Caught Stealing
• Obvious
• Ocean Size
• Ted, Just Admit it...
• Summertime Rolls
• Stop!
• Jane Says

[/musings] [permanent link]

National Running Day part 4
I did another 10K this evening after work. That brings my National Running Day total to 13.6 miles over 3 runs. I hope everyone was able to run today. You still have some time if you haven't yet. Happy National Running Day!

[/running] [permanent link]

National Running Day part 3
Did a little over 4 miles on my lunch break at a slightly faster pace than the run this morning. Looking forward to this evening.

[/running] [permanent link]

National Running Day part 2
That was fun! I got my first run completed, just over 5K. Now it's time to get ready and get off to work.

[/running] [permanent link]

National Running Day part 1
Here I am ready for my first run of the day and there's a thunderstorm about to roll through. The RADAR shows it moving pretty fast. If it hasn't passed by in the next 15 to 20 minutes, I'm getting on the treadmill.

[/running] [permanent link]

National Running Day
Wednesday June 3, 2009 is the inaugural National Running Day. I encourage everyone to get out and run. Whether your a seasoned athlete or a couch potato, lace up your sneakers and get out there this Wednesday.

For the runners out there, make sure you run on Wednesday and try to drag some people along with you. For those of of you who aren't runners, Wednesday is a perfect day to start.

The National Running Day website has more information about the day, and tips for people who are new to running.

[/running] [permanent link]